October 02, 2015

North American Men Marrying Ecuadorian Women and Taking Them Back to the U.S

A Reader Asks: I am thinking of traveling to Ecuador I have met a Ecuadorian lady online, Do the women wish to stay in this country or would they like to marry an American man and move here, I am asking just in general I realize each could be different. In the Philippines many women wish to marry anyone and come here to US.
 

Well thanks for asking us. As you know, putting two strangers together into a commitment of Marriage is already a challenge without adding additional hurdles such as different language, different culture and different place.  Marriage  is a lifetime commitment and just flying off to another country, thinking you met the girl of your dreams online and whisking her off to the U.S is a bit Cinderella-ish.   

We hate to say it but you are jumping the gun.  It sounds like you think you love this woman whom you have never met and don’t know very well, which shows us that you are allowing your emotions to lead the relationship rather than your sensibilities.
 

There is nothing wrong with marrying an Ecuadorian and taking her back to your homeland but you haven’t even met the woman and not only that, but you don’t even know her or her family. She may not want to move to the U.S. It may take more than a 3-month VISA stay in Ecuador to find out if a woman has a commitment to be with you for life. 
It’s really a convoluted subject. It’s not as easy as it seems. There is so much you need to think about before wasting your time with someone you met in an online dating room. There are so many unanswered questions
 

1. Why does she feel the need to go to an online dating room and find a North American to marry?  Is there an agenda?
 

2. Do you really want to spend thousands of dollars to fly to and stay in Ecuador for a few weeks or a few months just to SEE if this woman is willing to marry and move back to the U.S with you? It would be different if you were already just moving to Ecuador for the adventure or other personal reasons and then you just happened to meet her/a woman, etc, etc. But you don’t even know her.
 

3. In Ecuador many of the young ladies come from not so well off families and in some cases they actually SEEK to marry a man with money to help the family out. It doesn’t mean she will not love and care for her husband; it means her family is important to her. The question is, are you willing to do that?  Are you willing to take care of her parents/grandparents too?  This is one reason why she may not want to move to the U.S as well.
 

In more prosperous Ecuadorian families this is probably not expected that you pay for things. But this brings me back to “why” is she going online searching for an American man?  Red flag? Maybe?
 

4. Have you thought about this?: in the unfortunate event of a break up, have you thought about the children? It would be VERY difficult on the children to be separated from one of their parents.  Contrary to popular belief, divorce does a lot of emotional damage to children and sometimes scars them for life.
 

5. Not speaking the same language can also be a big problem, so it is imperative that you speak Spanish so you can communicate appropriately with one another.
 

We will say this: Ecuadorian women admire some things in the U.S, but they aren’t itching to leave Ecuador and go live in the U.S like Philippine women are.
 

We have also heard some horror stories about gringos marrying foreign women; one such story was from a man who took his Philippine bride back to the United States and after gaining a bit of u.s. culture she divorced him and took him for everything he’s got, even the child they have together. We know the man personally. There are many such unfortunate stories in the feminist culture that is the u.s.a.
 

Will it happen to you? Depends on if you TRULY know the woman you marry. and in your case, it looks like you don’t know her at all. If she is leading the relationship, telling you what she wants, how things are going to be done, taking a leading role,  then you might want to reassess…and if you continue to allow her to behave in this way, she would seem to us to be a selfish woman who only cares about what she can get from you. Knowing this then you wouldn’t need to come all the way to Ecuador, wasting all that money to meet with her. You already have your answer.
 

The best way to start off a relationship is by becoming friends and getting to truly know someone, finding out what they are all about, which cannot happen through an online chat room; anyone can say whatever they please and you still will not know them and that’s because you need to see how she behaves and interacts in day to day situations and with you.
 

Most people can talk a good talk but when it comes time to showing the talk, they somehow flub up and the truth comes out.  Where is the show; it was all false...that's online dating rooms for you. This happens often when meeting people in dating websites, so you have to be careful. Actions speak much, much louder than words. Tell me, what actions do you see from someone through an online chat room?
 

If you come to Ecuador to meet with her, the best advice we can give you is, leave the emotions back in the U.S. Don’t become overly attached because it may not be the right woman for you.  She may be pretty and nice when viewing her in a live chat room but what does her heart say? What is her substance all about? Be friends, spend as much time together as you can, learn what she is about, what she expects in a marriage, what kind of a lady is she, but use your sensibilities rather than emotions.
 

After getting to know her and you find she is all that you want for a wife and more then you will be blessed. But if it turns the other way, so what, learn from it and move on. Some relationships just were not meant to be.   

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We're an Expat Family of Five, Living Frugal, Healthy and Happy Abroad. We live in Cuenca, Ecuador and travel the Ecuador coast whenever we get a chance. We just adventured throughout the country of Panama for five weeks! Come along and enjoy some of our experiences with us!

3 comments:

  1. Poor thing! Another emasculated American male...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Frank and Angie I think you know who I am by now PT007, just one thing the man never said it was a dating chat room but good advice because you just never know online or in person what the other one is all about. Wish this man would have give more information as what kind of chat room he met this women how old each one is etc. Were exactly ie: city she is from would help because it does make a difference and how long have they been talking.

    I'll give you an example, I met my husband online and no not a dating chat room. We talked for a year and more before we started to like each other this was in 2007 and by 2011 we were married. Best thing I have ever done in my life, I lived with my husband in Egypt until I had to return because my parents became ill. He had no thought of leaving Egypt, we are still married our anniversary is Oct 16 Th.

    It really doesn't matter how you meet someone you just have to have your feet firmly planted on the ground. And as you say don't let your emotions get away from you. I will admit of meeting in person in the country you live in is better but does not guarantee the man or women isn't in the relationship for any other reason than love. People like this are all over the place.

    As an Ecuadorian women and from what I have seen myself one huge red flag and if this happens to your RUN and don't look back is if the women or man comes to you and says they need money for any reason, death, sickness etc. An Ecuadorian will most likely never ask for money outright. I know of one women both from Ecuador by the way that always had a family emergency and bleed her fiance dry. After she got what she needed from hims as in paying for her mothers house she unceremoniously dumped him. This case was two Ecuadorians meeting and supposedly falling in love in person.

    Second red flag, or more of a suggestion, do NOT have sexual relations under any circumstances even if things are changing in Ecuador a women is expected to be a virgin when she marries and if she is willing to just give it away (sorry sounds harsh) then something is not right. Then if you do decide to, you know, there might be a child involved and if she is not really in love with you, you will be paying her for this child and housing until that child is 18 and you can be in the USA or Ecuador it doesn't matter.

    Do NOT rush into anything look how long it took my husband and I. By the time we met we had talked about everything under the sun.

    Secondly please if everything works out and both are truly in love and your of another religion please for God's sake don't try to change her. Both my husband and I respect our faiths and respect is very important in a marriage. Good luck to you.

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  3. MAN THE FACT IS THIS SOUND CINDERELAISH AS YOU CALL IT BUT I AM FROM ECUADOR ACTUALLY, I COME FROM A GOOD FAMILY, I DO NOT NEED HELP FOR MY GRANDPARENTS OR MOTHER OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT, FOR THEY ALL OWN THEIR HOUSES AND EVEN LANDS, I AM NOT THE CASE AND SPEAKING OF IT IN GENERAL IS NOT OKAY, SORRY BUT YOU NEED YOUR OWN LIMITS... HOPEFULLY YOU END UP FINDING THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS AS I WISH AND DESIRE TO BEAR A FAMILY WITH A MAN FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY, I JUST LIKE TO AND GET EVERYONE INTO YOUR RIVER DOESNT SOUND MORE LIKE NATIVISH? HOPE YOU ANSWER... AND NO I DO NOT HAVE KIDS EITHER TO TAKE CARE OF... IF YOU GENERALLY LOOKING FOR A WOMAN FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY IF IS INDIGENOUS FOR EXAMPLE OR BLACK AS RACIST AS IT MAY SOUND THEY DO TEND TO BE POOR AS A MATTER OF BACKGROUNDS COLONIALISM? IF YOU ARE FAMILIAR WITH, AND YES OF COURSE THEN YOU WILL DEFINITLY HAVE TO DEAL WITH TAKING CARE OF THEIR FAMILIES FOR THEY TEND TO BE POOR... BUT CERTAINLY IS NOT EVERYONES CASE...

    ReplyDelete

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